Never a Dull Aisle....

A weekly or semi-weekly chore of mine is my trip to the grocery store. I have a couple of local chains that I hit on a regular basis simply depending on what day I decide to go and load up. I am typically to be found at Giant or Wegmans since they carry a lot of my staple foods. I've gotten to the point now that I can be in and out of the grocery store within half an hour (depending on how many people are in line). My time in the store also depends on the number of people in the store at the same time. It seems that at time there are melodramas being played out in every aisle of the store. It starts from the time you enter the parking lot.

As you search for a place to park you try to find a spot not too close to the shopping cart return but not too far to walk. Still, walking is good for you, especially if it means reduced risk of dings to your car. Upon entering the store you make the fateful choice; basket or cart. If it's a basket then that means you're going for the basics, if it's a cart, then you're off to load up for a week or two. Invariably, you'll see someone struggling to pull the cart out of the group. And almost as invariably, once they do manage to get one out, it's either got a squeaky wheel or the one slightly out of alignment that causes it to pull to the left a bit.

And so we're ready to begin our journey around the store. First stop is the produce aisle. Here you'll find an abundance of ladies. Now I'm not being sexist but unfortunately you will rarely, if ever see guys in this aisle/area. And if they are there, they will be staring long and hard into a small list trying to figure out what onion to pick. I mean we've got red onions, yellow onions and white onions! I once saw a guy walk out of the area triumphantly only to break down and begin weeping after he realized there were also spring onions to consider. Guys will typically avoid this area unless they are a hardcore dieter in which case they will be loading up on the veggies with confidence.

The deli is sort of a mixed bag. You have everyone here loading up on luncheon meats. You can tell who has kids and who is shopping for themselves based on the quantity they order. Anything over a pound of meat and it's for the kids, anything over two pounds and it's for a boy. Anything over three pounds and it's for two boys. The quantities increase exponentially from there. Moving on we then hit the regular aisles. Here you run into every walk of life and every lifestyle imaginable.

In the chip and snack aisle you'll find the kids and bachelors loading up for their daily sustinence for TV viewing. I try to grab some healthy options in this aisle but it's so hard to resist temptation. The bread aisle is where you find the folks from the deli, they'll be searching for the natural homes for lunch meats. We guys don't generally go for the healthy options here unless we're looking to score some points with a significant other. Donuts and sweet muffins can be found here. Yet another temptation.

Moving on to the veggies and pasta aisles you'll usually find another mixed crowd. Pasta seems to be the staple dish that anyone can make. I mean it's kinda hard to mess up. Boil water, throw in pasta, heat sauce, drain pasta, mix sauce and pasta, dinner is served. That's the bare bones basic method that many follow. It's fairly nutricious and simple and filling so what's not to like? Veggies on the other hand are inexplicable. I sometimes pick them up if I'm going to be making some vegetable dish. But even people who don't use canned food, they will always have at least a can of corn or green beans somwhere in the cupboard. It's one of nature's natural wonders. Check out your own cupboard, I bet there is a can or two hiding in there.

Cookies and crackers. The comfort food of so many. Again there are so many options that it can be overwhelming. This is another aisle where you run into kids. There are occasionally temper tantrums being thrown. Especially when a kid (or kids) doesn't get the cookie of choice. The resultant cries and whining can often be heard from any point in the store. I could once hear a kid crying from outside the store. Living on my own now, I have control of my cookie choice. It's mean but sometimes I like to pick up a box of cookies that kids are crying over just to see if there is any further reaction. Hey... don't judge... I'm sure you've thought of doing that too.

The juice and cereal aisles are the same way. We get more crying and more tantrums and sometimes carryovers from previous aisles. This area is usually the noisiest because of all this tantruming. Still, I am nostalgic for my youth so I never mind going through the aisles and remembering those days when I was the one on the floor bawling.

Cleaning and laundry supplies are again usually filled with ladies. Guys occasionally enter this area when we realize it's been four years since we washed the floors or cleaned. We can also be seen picking up toilet paper. A must! Frozen food is where you separate the singles from the couples. Single people will be seen loading up on frozen pizza and Lean Cuisine. A devout bachelor (or bacherlorette) will usually load up with armfuls of their favorite dish. There is no getting tired of Spicy Meatloaf with Mashed Potatoes. Couples are usually a little more disciplined. They will pick up pairs of a variety of dishes that they will share once or twice a week. It's like having a meal together without too much hassle. A logical option.

Finally time to checkout. To self-checkout or not. If you've got a buddy, the self checkout is the way to go. You can usually do things much faster and make the bags as light or as heavy as you want without the judgemental looks you sometimes get from the cashiers. "Coke? Are you kidding me? We've got a special on Pepsi and you're going with Coke? Rich boy!" And I love the look of power some cashiers get when they have to card you if you happen to be buying beer or wine. They have this momentary vision of being a bouncer at a club. I'm sure they will love to see the day when they actually deny someone the right to purchase alcohol.

Lastly... we're back out to the parking lot. You make your way back to the car only to find that somehow, shopping carts have been left around your car or in close proximity. Even if you are parked on top of an incline with no other cars close by. Also, if you're parking far away to avoid parking next to vehicles with a likelihood of causing dings, you will always return to find your car surrounded. Another one of nature's phenomena. Oh well... at least one can't say that grocery shopping isn't exciting!