Wednesday, August 23, 2006

I'll Turn This Plane Around Right Now


In this day and age of heightened tension and foiled terrorist plots, every time you get on a plane, there's no telling what may happen. Still, as Superman says, flying is, "statistically speaking, still the safest way to travel." I mean sure we have to arrive at the airport earlier, wait in line longer and endure more and more security screenings, but overall flying is still the most efficient way of getting from point A to point B. I mean if you see how bad Virginia traffic gets sometimes, you would think it would be easier if we all had flying cars a la "The Jetsons".

Even still, after all of these new concerns, the majority of the travelling population prefers to travel by air than any other mode of transportation save for driving. And as the world gets smaller and smaller and our patience grows shorter and shorter, we can't afford to take the slow boat to China anymore. I think movies like "Titanic" and "The Poseidon Adventure" (the original not the remake) did a lot to spook people out of taking a ship to Europe. You never know when you'll run into an errant iceburg or get hit by a rogue wave. Indeed it seems that air travel, for all its extra troubles, is the best means of going anywhere in the world. As such it is getting to be like hopping into the family sedan and heading out of town.

One thing that many people don't realize though is that this isn't exactly like the family sedan. What do I mean? Well think about it; in your car you can pretty much talk about anything under the sun and not be bugged by anyone other than those in the car. One would assume that they share your viewpoints or are close enough in their philosophy that they wouldn't make a big thing of it. You can drive picking your nose or with your clothes on backwards and (almost) no one would say anything to you.

Now if you do these things on a plane.... well... you're just asking for trouble. This is not to say that I advocate walking around the cabin of the plane at cruising altitude while pulling out your hair and murmurring the names of most-unfavored nations. But what about if you're not doing that? What happens if you just happened to be sitting there quietly but sweating because the plane is too hot, or nervous because you're afraid to fly. We are so on the lookout now for anything that seems unusual that we will raise suspicions almost immediately. Is the guy next to you whispering? Call the stewardess and notify the pilot to call in the fighter escort. Is the lady next to you constantly throwing up? It might be an attempt at spreading bio-weapons. Call the stewardess again. Someone getting up constantly and stretching out in weird poses? Hit that call button for the stewardess again.

But is it really necessary? In some cases it is very much necessary but in others, it may just be nervousness or someone following the advice in the seat-pocket guide to the plane that recommends stretching at regular intervals to prevent blood clots. You see? Those little books do have useful information in them but people (except for stretchy) don't seem to read it. People will argue that it's better to be safe that sorry; that we shouldn't lower our guard just because it appears as though things are slowing down.

All I'm saying is that the next time any of you decide to travel by air, remember the following key things. Never be confrontational or abusive with airline or security staff; they can make sure you get to see the inside of an airport jail cell. Be aware or your surroundings and those around you and look for suspicious behavior. No no... a fifty year old reading "The Hobbit" is not suspicious. Be prepared for delays, they are for your safety and if you happen to be on a flight that is diverted or escorted back to someplace, consider yourself lucky that there are vigilant people out there looking out for your safety.

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