Your Car is Anything but a Vehicle

For many of us, our vehicle is an extension of ourselves and as such, it is within the confines of this vehicle that we tend to forget that while our car is certainly an extension of ourselves, it doesn't mean to literally make more of it than is absolutely necessary. Take for example the number of people who treat their cars as more than refuges but extensions of their own homes. For those of us in the DC area it's not surprising since we have among the worst commutes in the entire nation but just because of that we don't have to turn our cars into our bathrooms. Thankfully I have not yet run across (or rather driven past) anyone using their car literally as a bathroom but with gridlock lasting hours at times, it can be tempting I'm sure.

I bring up this topic today because I have a commute of about 20 miles (one way) and so I do spend a bit of time on the road though it is certainly less than the 40 miles (one way) that I used to drive when I first started working after my undergrad. Now I've seen all manner of drivers in my time but I think those of us who continue getting 'dressed' in the car are among the most dangerous in the morning. Sure people get chided for drinking coffee or fiddling with the radio (add to that GPS and iPods now) but still, I think people doing hair and makeup while driving are even more dangerous. I have seen women's purses in my time and I know that they are at times comparable to bottomless pits. Even if the purse is the size of Tic-Tac containers, they contain more stuff than a bag from Mister Magoriums Wonder Emporium. So do you think it's wise for them to start rummaging through while driving 80 miles per hour on the highway while weaving just to find an eyelash curler?

Apparently one of the women I passed today figured that it was. I was driving along when traffic ahead of me started to slow up a bit. Usually that's a sign that the police had pulled someone over in the opposite lane of traffic (and since this is Virginia...people naturally slow down thinking he'll jump the barrier to come after us). So anyways I soon realized that the reason for the slow down was a meandering Mazda with apparently some problems staying in one lane. At one point the car was contentedly driving right along the dividing line of two lanes as if doing an impression of an Airbus making its take-off run at Dulles. Slowly but surely, after many honking tailgaters drew attention to themselves, the Mazda jumped back into her lane and continued on limiting her meandering to just one lane. As my turn came to drive past I realized that she was using an eyelash curler with one hand while staring intently into the vanity mirror (one of the worst ideas ever invented) with a handful of other makeup pencils in the other while gripping the wheel with what appeared to be the base of her palm. Despite the misty conditions of the morning I'd say that she was probably putting in about 2% of the concentration needed to ensure that she arrived at the office safely to show off her makeup skills.

Now before I get any angry e-mails or threats from women I will fully agree that men are no better. Thankfully we have nothing to do with makeup but we do have our electric shavers. The good thing about shavers unlike traditional razors is that you don't really have to look at what you're doing to accomplish the job but still, it is a distraction. I mean what do you think having a buzzing shaver next to your ear does to your concentration? I don't know because I've never done it which is why I'm asking. Men have cups of coffee and other bold ones drive with printouts of e-mails or directions on their laps. In order to save the male ego we won't be caught dead with directions on our lap or in our hands. Not unless there's a woman present in which case we can hand it off to them and claim that they forced us to get the directions, we always know the way. I've even seen a couple of men driving with one foot up on the dashboard or out the window as if they're enjoying a Barka Lounger.

Why this need to turn our cars into our homes rather than leaving them as mere conveyances? Driving under normal circumstances is hard enough for a lot of us so acting like a stuntman will not make the situation any better. Don't have enough time to put on your makeup save for when you drive in to work? Wake up earlier. Need more sleep? Sleep earlier. Don't have time to shave before leaving the house? Grow a beard. There are options but many of us choose to ignore them for the sake of convenience and perhaps in wanting to prove that we are the rulers of the land of multi-tasking. Or perhaps this is just an excuse to prove that we are doing our part to 'go green'. I mean we're spending less time in the bathroom so less time to use up power at home so our power costs go down. Sure we're in the car but we aren't burning any extra fuel... we're burning what we would on our normal commute right?