Miss Teen South Carolina and the Question of Doom

Have you ever watched a gameshow and sat there in the comfort of your own home and your pajamas yelling the answer at the screen followed by loud exhortations of how stupid the current contestant is? It sort of falls into the category of being a Monday-morning Quarterback or being able to view the situation with a cool mind and no pressure. No imagine answering those questions knowing that there's an audience of a couple of million watching you... hopefully not in your pajamas. A bit more pressure now isn't it? Suddenly you're not so snappy in your remarks are you? Well, that's exactly what happened to Miss Teen South Carolina, Lauren Caitlin Upton (side note... why do beauty contestants have multiple name names?).

During the Miss Teen USA pageant this weekend, Miss Upton was asked the following question. "Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can't locate the United States on a world map. Why do you think that is?" Now this is probably outside of the usual realm of questions in beauty pageants. I mean it seems like something out of the presidential debates that are going on all over the country. Still, one hopes that the response from a potential representative of the United States in the beauty world would be able to make a coherent response. Here's what she had to say. "I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don't have maps, and, uh, I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq everywhere like, such as and I believe that they should, our education over here in the U.S., er, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future for our children."

Believe me it's just as hard to write as it is to read and comprehend. I'm not quite sure what her train of thought must have been at that time but I'm sure part of the problem may have been her sudden recollection of the Seinfeld episode where Kramer is mentoring a potential Miss America. I would think it's pretty hard to concentrate on anything else when you have visions of Kramer in your head saying, "Poise! Poise!" Still, I'm not entirely sure what she even meant to say in that. Her resposne three days after the fact was more or less that we should focus more on geography. While coherent, it's probably not much better. I mean if you're looking for a reason why many Americans can't locate the United States on a map, Miss Upton's response is a hint at why.

I'm not saying that there isn't pressure in a contest of this sort but it's not exactly like the Academy Awards either where they start drowning out your response with the orchestral stylings of Bill Conti. I'm rather curious to see the connection between South Africa and the United States. It's not like South Africa has been making big waves in the news lately. Iraq... excuse me... THE Iraq is in the news daily so perhaps that's why it was in the forefront of her mind. I guess since the Iraq is on the border of Asia that it is spreading it's mis-education by osmosis so perhaps that's why if we help the Iraq and Asian countries with their education then we will improve our education here and be able to find our country on the map.

Now I'm not making any sense. Still, when confronted with a far simpler follow up question, the pressure seemed to have died off. I mean when asked what she would do after the contest, Upton responded, "Eat me some hamburgers. I haven't eaten hamburgers, French fries or hot dogs in three years, and I just want to see what it tastes like." I guess gearing up for a lifelong ambition of being in a beauty contest will force you to deny yourself the niceties in life such as burgers and fries. Still, where was the pressure then? No, 'ums' or 'ers' in sight and nary a bit of hesitation. Perhaps that's because that's an easy one. As I said, it's just another sign of why her response to the first question is all the more troubling.

A simple statement of the fact that perhaps that not all educational systems in this country have access to the same resources as many others and so people from those systems are less likely to have been exposed to the fundamentals. I mean the planned response after three days of 'focus on geography' is like saying when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Isn't that a given? Her one intelligent inference was probably to the fact that when she refers to Americans she means U.S. Americans since Canadians, Latin Americans and South Americans are all technically Americans. Still, it's a sad state of affairs when your own countrymen can't find their own home on a map. It's certainly where the heart is, but apparently not the head.